The Carnival in My Mind: Leaving the Lights of Addiction Behind Paperback – March 29, 2026

What if the thing that nearly destroyed you came wearing lights instead of chains?What if it smiled before it stole?What if it glittered before it gutted?What if the very thing that promised comfort was quietly teaching your soul how to starve?In The Carnival in My Mind: Leaving the Lights of Addiction Behind, Kristine Hawkins takes readers on a haunting, breathtaking journey through the hidden landscape of addiction, where false peace flashes like mercy, shame hides behind painted laughter, and the desperate ache to escape becomes a trap dressed in color.This is not a shallow book about bad choices.This is a deeply human, spiritually powerful story about what happens when anxiety, depression, loneliness, worthlessness, grief, and inner exhaustion leave a soul so hungry for relief that even glitter begins to look like grace.Through unforgettable imagery and raw emotional truth, Kristine reveals the carnival for what it is: a dazzling counterfeit. The midway. The mirrors. The rigged games. The music that once sounded kind and then turned cruel. The backstage rot behind the bright promises. The false lights that call your name and offer escape, only to demand more than they ever promised to give.But this is not merely a story about addiction.It is a story about rescue.It is a story about the mercy of Jesus Christ meeting a weary, storm-tossed soul at the end of illusion. It is a story about surrender when striving no longer works, about truth when shame has swallowed language, about healing that grows quietly like roots, and about the astonishing redemption of discovering that the garden beyond the lights is real.This book is for the one who is tired of pretending.The one who still hears the music.The one who is exhausted from carrying a secret ache.The one who has ever mistaken false comfort for real peace.The one who needs more than clichés, more than shallow encouragement, more than one more promise to do better next time.Inside this unforgettable book, readers will find a powerful journey from bondage to hope, a 30-Day Healing Journey Devotional, and a Quick Help and Recovery Toolkit for cravings, hard nights, anxiety, depression, and the slow holy work of staying free.This is the book for the soul standing in the dark, wondering whether freedom is still possible.It is.Because the lights do not get the last word.Jesus does.And the gate is still open. Read more